My # 1 Drug

I have a love/hate relationship with food. I love it and it is not very fond of me.

After 17 days cigarette-free I am realizing that there is one addiction that may be harder for me to quit, and that is food. You may say..."Quit food, you shouldn't quit food altogether, you just have to eat the right food". And therein my friends, lies the core of the problem. I don't like the "right" food. I like carbs, make that, I love carbs. I am thinking of inventing an ALL- carb, all-the-time diet. Oh and fat. Saturated, unsaturated, whatever...I like it all.

So you may say, "You don't have to give up all of that food. Moderation is the key." And while that sounds great, my body doesn't want to hear it. Example: At a recent potluck my tastebuds reason that there is a very real and horrifying possibility that I may never taste an artichoke quiche quite as wonderful as this one, so for posterity I must have seconds. Or, I skip breakfast and lunch, and tell myself when I come home, that a pint of Ben and Jerry's will even out the lost calories.

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Okay, so maybe I am trying to be funny here. But, do not be mistaken, the above examples represent real moments of weakness. And, while that may be fine, once and a long while...it seems to be a frequent frame of mind for me.

I remember being a kid, seeing a really heavy person and wondering how they could let it get that bad. And now I know, because that is me, or at least it will be if I am not careful. I am skating on thin ice, and that is a scary place to be standing when you are overweight.

I am starting to realize that in the last 20 lbs. I went from feeling like I could still be sexy to, well generally not feeling sexy, or even attractive, period. I think it has been easier for me to quit smoking because I can avoid it. I don't need cigarettes to sustain me...I do need food, and therefore my temptation will always be there lingering, tempting me with seconds.

I guess I realize that I am going to have to be stronger than it. I can't expect to change my life completely overnight, or even in one month. My success with smoking, or rather, not smoking has been something I can start to be proud of. The more I don't smoke the more I believe I can keep on not-smoking and the more I want to prove it. And if I can quit smoking, I can do this too. Food is just the next addiction for me to overcome. I just wish it didn't taste so good.