We can be alone...together.

I have been struggling. In so many ways as of late, but as always with my finances, to name one big one. I feel like I work just to work and at the end of the day I don't have a lot to show for it. And recently, I have had some really disheartening epiphanies about my job. Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy my job, I just think I can't do it for much longer without some sort of payoff. So basically things in the $$ area of my life are looking grim is what I'm saying.

I'm like, "Christmas, who cares about Christmas when I can't pay my bills" ...y'know. I blame myself for my financial problems, my enormous debt...all of it. It is truly my fault, but now it is a mountain I cannot climb fast enough.

I am giving you some background so you can understand where I am right now. I have been feeling really scared about money recently, and with everything else I am just emotionally "spent", no pun intended. I called my sister Joy last week, because she has been my biggest support in the last few years, just to cry on her shoulder. When it comes to money, I hate sharing my issues with almost everyone. I just needed someone to help me troubleshoot and to tell me that I was smarter than my problem and I could overcome it.

And what is so beautiful about my sister Joy, is that she not just listened, but she absorbed it all, as if it were her struggle too. And I could tell it pained her, because she couldn't just say "don't worry". What I didn't even realize is that she took things so seriously that she wrestled with the situation and how to help me fix it.

So, tonight I came home from work and found a large envelope with a check for 500.00 from Joy's mom, Nancy, and a beautiful card signed by my sister, niece and brother as well. It is more than enough to help me out, but it's not even the money. I know that Nancy and the rest of my family don't have that money to give, but the fact that I have people who would rush to my aid like that is an incredible blessing to me. I feel very conflicted over whether or not I can accept this money, when a lot of my problems are my own making, so I am really trying to pray and reflect on everything before making any decisions.

500.00 is a lot to me. To a lot of people, they think it is a regular thing for parents to give their kids 500.00 here and 1000.00 there for things they need or even just want. I very rarely take money from other people and I certainly don't know how to ask. I consider my problems, mine alone and I assume I should solve them alone. I feel blessed to have family, who are so willing to help carry me through things and unwilling to let me handle life all by myself.

*****

Nancy wrote this in the card she sent. I thought it was really beautiful:

Time flows like a river

from life into Eternity

God's blessings are with

those whose struggles and sorrows

are past

as He receives them

into His loving presence

and with us

as we cherish

thoughts of loved ones past

And in the realms of

Eternity to come